What Have You Been Doing With Your Life?

"Uh... professional killer."

"Oh! Good for you, it's a growth industry."

(One of the greatest, funniest, most under appreciated movies of all time).

I can't believe I went a whole quarter without posting. I'm sorry if anyone out there was looking forward to my school exploits. I guess I was really busy though I can't tell you at what. You know how it is. There's so much to cover that I guess at this point I should just summarize and move on.

Last quarter was American Cuisine. Sadly that had to be defined for RK. I'm not sure which word he didn't understand. I missed the first two classes because I was working in Alabama but hit the ground running the second week. Pizza Girl had the first week, her assignment was New England. I made the Boston baked beans for her except neither she nor I realized her recipe called for cooking the beans for 6-8 hours. Needless to say they came out way underdone, down right inedible. Live and learn.



In week 2 or 3 I think, I sliced my finger open and needed five stitches. It was Karma really. Early in the morning I was joshing with Tennessee, making fun of others knife skills, particularly RK. Later in the day I was talking to MILF while chopping parsley. I was looking to the side talking to her and when I looked back I realized my finger was not supposed to be under my knife. Too late. That of course prevented a lot of blogging.



Tennessee and I were assigned Mid Atlantic. We were to go week 4. I spent almost all of my free time prepping for that. I traded T the report writing and PowerPoint presentation for physical labor and dealing with the "workforce." It turned out to be a good move on my part. T is a short timer and one of two in our class who actually works in a kitchen. He has a lot of experience and was great to work with. We were the first group to not use a straight line buffet table and to decorate the table, a trend that continued. We truly raised the bar to another level.

Our menu.

My mantra in the kitchen is Everything's Zen. I lost my cool once during our week though. Slow Mo was supposed to make the potato chips. Well actually Slow Mo was supposed to make salad dressings but he kept bailing and disappearing. I got mad and put him on potato chips. Then he disappeared again. So I grabbed Scooter, who doesn't have a full deck, and put him with Igor to make the potato chips. I came back into the kitchen after checking on the buffet table at least twice and no chips were being made. When I asked why I got four different excuses. At that point I started slamming the table with my hand, "I don't care just make the fucking potato chip!" T lost it later when we needed people out serving and Igor and Slow Mo were frying the chips along with at least two other people. "Guys, how many people does it take to make potato chips! Get out there!"

I'm not sure which week it was but one week I snapped and went after Slow Mo. We were working the buffet and he kept disappearing. I was trying, struggling, to work three stations. He popped back in and Igor asked where he had been. At the same time the two of them are constantly touching each other, slapping and kicking like kids. In Slow Mo's typical Vanilla Ice voice, "I was taking a shit mannnnn. You don't believe me, you can go in there and smelllll it." This was while we were serving. I turned around and said, "Why don't you two go back in the kitchen and pump each other. On second thought, just leave. Get out of here if you aren't going to be professional." I grabbed Slow Mo by the back of the neck and marched him straight into the kitchen. We didn't see him the rest of the day. At the end of class he sat and sulked during the presentation. I heard that on the following Monday the whole class lit into him. Ever since that day, he got into it with someone in class. I guess I was the enabler that empowered people to stand up to him. I apologized to Chef for my behavior, if I was out of line, but he smiled and said Slow Mo had it coming.

Those are the highlights I think for the class. Sorry, I'm sure it would have been more entertaining week to week, there's a lot that I have forgotten and am passing over. Truthfully the class peaked with T and my week. No one else put forth the effort that we put in. I'm really hoping some people drop. Baby Face did get canned. Chef told Slow Mo to not come back and take plumbing, but I know he will be back. Chef did lay down the law on the final day after Super Clean up. NO MORE CELL PHONES IN CLASS!!! Yeah!!! These guys are constantly texting, surfing and listening to music and not paying attention. He says he is going to start enforcing the attendance policy, we'll see but I know a handful of people will not be receiving grades for last quarter for too many misses. But unfortunately they have the option to make up the classes instead of failing. Kind of toothless if you ask me. We do have to start wearing our neckerchiefs. I'm not crazy about that but will gladly trade it for the no cell phone policy.

Oh wait, one last nugget. One week Chico comes out to refill the soup. I made the soup and put it in a container in the warmer that was easy to handle with a larger potful behind it. Chico transfers the large pot to a pitcher and then brings both the pitcher and the pot out to the buffet table to refill the chafing dish. Huh? He pours the soup from the pitcher in first and then part of the pot into the chafing dish. Then he sets the pot of soup, dripping down the side, on the WHITE LINEN table cloth and looks at the rest of us and asks "what should I do with this?" Me, being a smart ass replies, "Oh, just leave it there." AND HE DOES!!!! What a dumb ass.

In the mean time, I haven't done a lot of cooking at home, but I did make a few dishes that are noteworthy. Ham braised in Madeira, boeuf à la bourguignonne, and fruit cake, waffles, banana bread, and turkey hash for example. Rose and I made a lot of cookies together. I want to discuss cooking with kids more. I just need to find some time.

The winter quarter of classes started yesterday but classes were canceled due to "inclement weather." I'm not sure why, it snowed last Thursday and everything was clear. Classes were again cancelled for today. So I have not started my Banquet or Nutrition classes yet. Monday is a holiday and the school is closed so we will see what next Tuesday brings.

And that's where I am. I think.