Friday, February 12, 2010

Who Dat!

First week of banquet we did a Chili Cook Off. Week Two was An Afternoon in Paris. Week Three was Super Bowl Party. I have no idea what day that was.

Planning was a joke. It took two and a half hours to come up with a menu, it should have taken thirty minutes. Basically we were doing bar food. Some of the ideas were off the wall. Seven layer bean dip. Tasty. Maybe you have it at your Super Bowl Party at your house. You don't get it at a bar. At least not the bars I go to. Slo Mo was indignant on his ideas. Both Bar Code and I were nonplussed. Dude, you aren't even old enough to know what bar food is! He's 19. BC and I both have 19 years of experience on him. Dumb ass.

As we were doing the grocery list, RK asks me, "you know what stuff is the absolute BEST! What's that stuff that comes in a can, got the peppers and onions?" "Ro-Tel?" says I. YEAH. There aint nothing better than that stuff, with that cheese stuff, what's it called. "Velveeta?" says I. YEAH! "I'm going to put that on the list, let's see 4 cans of Ro-Tel and that cheese, how do you spell it?" It took every bit of self control not to tell him to sound it out. He still spelled it wrong, v-e-l-v-e-t-t-a. I told him, there is no way Chef is going to get that for you. That's not cooking! That's dumping out a can and adding fake cheese. Now maybe if you made your own cheese sauce, but not Velveeta.

Another group wanted to make a dipping sauce for meatballs with grape jelly and chili paste. I don't care how great it tastes, that's not a culinary art! I just want to beat my head against a wall sometimes.

I drew Sloppy Joes. The recipe in the book calls for veal shanks but I was going to use the teres major once again. I ask Chef how much meat and put eight pounds down on the grocery list. Slo Mo looks at the list and says, oh good beef is on there. I tell him write down how much he needs. "You gonna use all that?" Yes. Write down what you need. "You touch any of my meat I'll cut your fuckin' hands off!" I tell him. Chef just laughs. That bastard is always doing that kind of thing and then when you go to grab your ingredients, they're gone.

I have a reputation of being a walking talking carnivore with an aversion to vegetables. That's not actually true but I enjoy maintaining the image. I joked with Chef that this recipe was awesome, no vegetables! Chef asked how it was possible to make Sloppy Joes without vegetables. "I don't know but the recipe called for straining the vegetables out." Really a loose meat sandwich than a Sloppy Joe. I did strain out the vegetables but left a few in, a paltry few.

I don't know what happened in the kitchen but it was like the first day of cooking all over again. I was the ONLY one out by Noon. It was pathetic. Slo Mo never even got his jalapeno poppers out. Chafing dishes weren't lit. I don't think any other food was out until quarter after. Pathetic. I met my goal though.

Wouldn't you know it, Chef bought Ro-Tel and Velveeta for that idiot. And RK couldn't even make it right. For someone who LOVES it, he should know to drain the Ro-Tel. It was more of a soup than a dip.

Not a lot of Sloppy Joe fans came though. It tasted good though. Oh well.

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